The Day I Became A Man

Yesterday started out with a rough nights sleep but turned out to be a day with a profound spiritual realisation. If I died yesterday I would have been a happy man.

These are the moments of rapture and awe that I live for. 

Until yesterday, I had not been sleeping well for about a week, nightmares and restlessness.

It is as if my subconscious dream state was boiling with fear, much like the collective consciousness of humanity right now.

In my dreams, I have been confronted with some of my deepest fears, death of family, personal sexual violence, containment, bondage and suffering. These childhood fears were coming to the surface to be healed. 

Some nights I was so deep in the experience I was crying in my sleep, a first. A cathartic experience, yet for me, it was just a dream. A harsh reality for so many else on the planet right now.

The self-enquiry that began over the following days centred on, what is it really I fear? 

The answer. Loss....

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